Local Cuban cartel leader Elizibeth Wailson, 55, determined early yesterday afternoon that blogs were a good source of unbiased news. In an exclusive interview, she claimed that, "All news is basically the same anyway" followed quickly with the addendum "Why bother spending even thirty seconds checking my sources?"
Shortly afterwards, she was found dead, her body near unrecognizable from a vicious lion attack. "These lion attacks are getting far too common" explained police chief Montgomery. "Here we have a woman in her prime, filled with opinions that have absolutely no basis in fact, taken from us. It's truly sickening."
Alizebath Wilsons, mother of 12, Lebanese immigrant, dead at 63.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Thank goodness we no longer have to source facts thanks to this real Jamaican hero.
